Being alone

The thing about moving to the other side of the world on your own is that you realise how much you can do on your own.  This is a blessing and a curse.  I realise that being on my own doesnt need to hold me back from many experiences – I can go alone and enjoy things just as much as if I had a companion.  I find myself thinking about who I actually want to spend my time with and not being prepared to put up with being a push over or someone who gets treated how I would never treat others.  I think the realisation of my independence has led to a lower tolerance.  Is it this, or is it getting older that is making me less tolerant?  I cant be bothered to have friends for the sake of it when I am quite happy in my own company.  I know I have enjoyed some experiences more than if I had had to  compromise with a travel buddy because they have been 100% my experiences and my choices. 

The difficulty comes when I want to do things that I cant do alone.  There are some hikes, some canoeing adventures and the main one right now is skiing, that I cant do alone. Skiing is a sport that is more fun with two.  I had so much fun last year, but it is looking like I wont get to do it again.

Although I knew how good my life I left behind was, I think I realise even more so now.  I dont think I knew how hard it would be to meet people with the same sense of humour, and the fact that anything goes!   I do have to censor myself here, not with everyone, but certainly more than is ideal.  The loyalty and familiarity of friendships based on silliness and a shared black sense of humour is hard to find and I look forward to being back amongst those who truly understand me.

This is not to say, I havent made some good friends here, and maybe a couple that I hope will be lifelong.  I hope that some day I can show them my side of the world.  Some I guess I will grow away from with the distance, but I will always have the fun memories. I have definately realised that I dont always need to be sad or mad if people arent in my life any more (even if we fell out), I can just remember that, we had fun once.


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