This weekend has probably been the hardest one since I have been in Canada. It is the first time that I have considered not making this country my forever country. I am not sure if it is the time of year – I have plans for Christmas and am looking forward to them, so I dont think it is, however, if someone had given me a plane ticket home and said there was a cab outside yesterday, I probably would have headed back to England.
7 months in and I have made many friends and acquaintances. I have got a good job and a nice apartment to live in, in a great location. I am mostly used to the ways of the country, the money and the Canadianisms. I have accepted the fact that I must pay an extortionate amount for Bisto and certain English essentials. Things are going well. I have thrown myself into looking at residency and have a good idea of what I need to do to work towards it. Then yesterday came and I found myself with no plans. I have always been pretty good at self entertaining, but I thought about what I would have done if I was in England – I would probably have gone to Sparkwell to hang out with parents and/ or pets or gone to the gym with friends. I couldnt do either of these things. Contact with some friends from home is rare and I guess I miss some of the people I thought I would stay in touch with more frequently. I started thinking about the friendships I have made here. It occurred to me that a lot of the things people do are drinking based events…. I dont really drink much and would often rather plan some fun day trips and random activities. Most of the time things are easy with new friends, but there are those days that I feel like I am back in school and trying to fit in.
I have also been considering selling my car. If I sell my car that is in England, it will enable me to do some more fun stuff in Canada and see more places that are a little out of reach right now. If I sell it, I will be going backwards if I do go home. At the moment, my life in England is just paused and I can walk pretty much back into things the way they were when I left. Granted, there would be a few changes, but I havent yet given anything up or really made any big sacrifices to come here.
Despite all of the above feelings flying around, I am not unhappy. I guess, there had to come a time to start questioning everything and this weekend has been that time.
I spent today with two of the Brits. Two of the ones that I find it easiest to get on with. I can be completely myself and chatter away easily. The problem is that one is leaving in January and the other is a definite flight risk. It was nice to all discuss our different plans and gave me a good chance to chat through different options and think about next year. I think I feel better for this. We had a Tim Hortons (because every good day here starts with a Tims), we went for a pub lunch (because who doesnt love a pub lunch on a Sunday), we walked down through Glen Manor Ravine towards the boardwalk and got there just in time for the sunset. We had a drink in the pub, a cup of tea at mine and after I had waved them off at different times on to street cars, I had a coke in the pub with some of my Canadian buddies. It was a perfect girly day.